How the MIGHTY have FALLEN

They say, OLD HABBITS DIE HARD. Well, to be perfectly honest, i always thought, that while the statement is true, it is also true that IF U LIE LOUD ENOUGH AND LONG ENOUGH, IT BECOMES THE TRUTH. In my own innocent and true boyish spirit , i imbibed these two phrases into my life, almost eight yrs ago.

I started to LIE abt everything, and apparently after a while i convinced myself so completely, that it became a habit. The truth became so entangled with the lies, that, when i look back at it, even i can’t tell one from the other. A few lucky encounters or chance incidents, gave me a certain position in people's mind, one of a womanizer, one who could get committed girls to fall for him , someone who was devious and conniving and it gave me such a HIGH, made me feel so powerful, that i ran with it. Even when all of it had lost its meaning, even when the burning fire of desire had burnt out, i still ran with for 6 yrs, fuelled by the expectations of people, consumed by my own dark mind, and the urge to shock and awe the world.

The need to turn EVIL n UNPREDICTIBLE and to be HATED became so uncontrollable, that doing the most indespicable things, manipulating the most innocent of hearts, didn't even make me bat an eyelid. CONTROLLING people and their lives seemed so right. Time and again, GOOD tried to rear its ugly head up, but all i had to crush it was, sms 3 women I LOVE U. ;-)

In the last 18 months, the memory of the GLORIOUS past has kept me going on the familiar path of destruction, BUT the events of yesterday (missing a friends cake cutting, thinking abt a friends words during the exam to the extent that it gave a migraine, a wonderful evening another friend and the open hearted conversation with her and the surprising SMS) though seem not very significant, did a lot of damage (or should i say a lot of good). It made me realise that i am back to being what i was , before this MAGICAL AND SURREAL journey of 8 yrs started. Back to being confused, back to not being in control of my own decisions, back to being a spineless weasel unable to take a stand and most significantly, BACK TO BEING THE GUY FOR WHOM WOEMN ARE MYTHICAL CREATURES, MEANT TO BE ADMIRED FROM A DISTANCE AND IMPOSSIBLE TO BEFRIEND.

The saddest part of the fall, is not the feeling of being pathetic or self pity, but the MEMORY of the yrs gone by. If life has to teach lessons, well it should atleast have the decency to erase the memory of the time when u were GREAT. THIS time, the defeat has been so utter and complete, that not ONLY have i LOST the MOJO, but also even the WILL to fight for it.